Summer

Well, the girls have been out of school now for three weeks. I'm exhausted of the fighting already. Now I'm sick and just on the verge of a breakdown all at once. I feel like I never get a break from the chaos I call life. It seems as soon as one thing gets better, another gets worse. I can't breath from all the frustration. My Hubby and I have been arguing more, and I know its me. I'm just so tired, frustrated, and just about ready to throw my hands up and quit. Most days I spend just trying not to cry. I'm so lonely, and yet sometimes just feel like I need to get away. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, its just too much right now. I just need to see S not hitting and kicking M. I need R to think before she speaks, even at 8, the girl knows how to hurt feelings. She just doesn't think about things before she says them. On top of that, she's going back to being excruciatingly mouthy. I'm starting to think its just the age, but its still annoying. M is fussy alot of the time. She's to the point where she just wants everything her way and doesn't understand why it can't be. I know its just them being kids, but it doesn't make it any easier to cope with. Especially, when your already on the verge of a breakdown. Then I read the blogs I follow and think, It could be so much worse. I am mainly just lonely. I only have my Dad out here and it seems that he's just to busy for me most the time. I get it though, I'm 24, and he has his own life. Friends are hard to find for me. I find them, and they usually turn out to be backstabbers. Or just in it for the help and then no longer care. Sometimes I think if I just go get a paying job, then maybe I'd feel better. I really don't want to do that though, not until we have our last baby. Once baby comes and gets to pre-school age, I can get a part time job. But there is no telling when that will be. Hubby says he needs three more dollars an hour before we can even start thinking about trying to have another baby. I bet your reading this thinking, "what the heck is she thinking" I'm thinking, I want my family complete, before I venture off into work. Parenting is work, but it doesn't pay money and it doesn't get me out of the house. Ugh, thats enough complaining for now. I need to go get them out of the water and then puke. I hate being sick :(