Poundering

As I sit here waiting for R and S to get home, I'm watching M play with her My Little Pony doll she got last night. She is just sprouting into the most beautiful, loving little girl. I am seeing less and less of the baby I longed for so long. I love R and S as though they are my own, but nothing is the same as actually having your own. All the milestones I missed with them, I witness with her. S was this age when their daddy and I got together. Now I am able to compare some of their milestones. Like S knew her ABC's song perfectly at this age, and could count to ten. M can not do any of that. I keep trying to teach her the ABC song, but she's just not interested. She'll sing ABCD and stop lol. As for counting, I can get her to ten, but thats with her saying every other number, or saying them along with me. I have recently started trying to get her to tell me how old she is. I always get the same answer, "umm I'm big girl" I also ask her what her name is and I either get "I big girl" or "umm, I dont know" lol. She's a fire cracker. S didn't talk much at this age. She was content sitting off in a corner playing quietly. Although, them teeth were always a problem. S would bite ankles lol. M bites when she's frustrated.. but I think I have almost broke her from that.
R is still giving us a lot of trouble, but hopefully is getting better. Sometimes she stops before she does or says something. I worry about her so much. Monday I call and set up a behavioral appointment with her pediatrician in hopes for a referral to a good child counselor. I also have her teacher writing a note/letter telling what she feels is problematic in R's behavior. I know R will not show her true colors in front of the Dr. She is generally well behaved for people she never sees often. That is why I have brought the teacher into the mix. Hoping her evaluation on R's behavior will help give the Dr. an idea of what we are going through. All I want is for her to have someone she can talk to, that will help her understand how she feels sometimes. I want what is best for her.
S is doing well, but is acting out a bit. I believe its because all the attention R gets when they are here, and all the attention M gets when they are not. I think she may feel as though she is a bit over-looked. Which saddens me. I have decided that from now on, the child acting badly will miss out on the fun, instead of everyone. R is old enough to sit inside while we play out side, and S... well I am not sure I would leave her by herself. Not quit convinced she's ready for that and know M is no where near ready. That doesn't mean they can't miss out though. I think this would really help with S's feelings of being left out. I took her grocery shopping with me last weekend. I generally do the shopping alone for some Mommy time, but decided it would be good Mommy and me time. S had a blast. She talked from the time we got out of the truck, till the time we got home. I think it was a good thing for her. She was able to express how she felt with out R up in her face hollering " thats not true" It was so nice seeing her open up so much. Which makes my thoughts of her feeling left out, even stronger. S is such a sweet girl, but she is upset and takes it out on her sisters who she feels is hogging all the attention. Although, this week she has decided against listening, I feel her behavior towards her sisters improved a little. It means so much to me to be able to find out whats wrong with one of my children and be able to find a fix. S is doing so well in school. Making great grades and excelling in reading. I am so proud of her.
Big M and I are great too. I think our marriage just keeps getting stronger and stronger. I love him with everything I have and then some. We still have disagreements like any married couple, but its nothing big. Just "could you please not be snappish with me" or "could you please listen to me for two seconds, so you understand" lol. Oh but I love him even with his flaws. Even when he is being extremely snappish towards me, even when he wont listen to a word I say. I love him even when he makes me so mad, I want to yank all my hair out. One kiss, one hug, one I love you... makes everything so much better. I can endure anything, as long as he is by my side. He makes life worth living. I'm so proud to call him "MY HUSBAND" I feel as long as we have each other, nothing else matters. Just us and our children...



Ok, yeah, not sure where I was going with this.